


Robbie Goes Underground

by PartnersInFanfiction



Category: Labyrinth (1986), LazyTown
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, Crack Pairing, Crack Relationship, M/M, this is not supposed to be taken seriously at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 14:15:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9495125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PartnersInFanfiction/pseuds/PartnersInFanfiction
Summary: Robbie Rotten gets wished away to the Goblins.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by this Tumblr post: http://major-tomjunkie.tumblr.com/post/155277493737/i-never-seen-such-a-cringe-couple
> 
> Written by Julie, the biggest Lazytown meme whore in the land, and her friend *dodges tomatoes*

         It was the average sunny and warm day in Lazytown. Stephanie, Trixie, and Ziggy were going out to play football.

“Did any of you see that movie last night?” Ziggy asked as Trixie kicked the ball to the soccer field. “It was really weird. There were goblins and some guy with tight pants and these songs—“

         “Goblins?” Stephanie asked.

         “Yeah, they stole this baby and his older sister had to solve a maze to get him back!” Ziggy replied.

         “Huh. Sounds interesting,” Stephanie said.

         “C’mon, let’s play!” Trixie commanded.

        

         Just around the corner, Robbie was hatching another evil plan to catch Sportacus, who surely was doing his extravagant flips somewhere nearby. “Ahaha!” Robbie cackled as he stepped up his ladder to place the cat in the tree. “Sportacus will flip his way to this tree and fall right into my trap!” He gazed down at the hole in the ground he covered with leaves. This plan would work. He knew it.

         Robbie had been trying to get the cat to stay on the branch, and Sportacus was nowhere to be seen. His ladder was made of wood, and incredibly old. It started to crack under his shoe. “Oh, no,” he grunted, clutching the branch with one hand and the cat with the other as it gave out beneath him. He was left hanging four feet from the ground on the tree. The cat climbed down and landed on its feet. Surely Robby would die up here.

         “Someone’s in trouble!” came an all too familiar voice from nearby. Robbie grunted and hit his forehead with his hand that wasn’t clutching the branch. The branch started cracking, and his frustration turned into anxiety as Sportacus came spinning and somersaulting towards the tree, leaping right over the hole in the ground.

         “Hey, look, it’s Sportacus!” Ziggy exclaimed from the soccer field as Sportacus landed skillfully on his feet under Robbie.

         “Let go, Robbie, I’ll catch you,” Sportacus called to Robbie with a smile.

         “Oh! I don’t need your help!” Robbie shouted. His fingers slipped from the branch as he yelled, and he landed into Sportacus’s muscular arms. He spent two seconds before hopping out, aggressively shaking Sportacus’s touch off his body. Sportacus was still smiling when he was through, and Robbie wanted to puke.

         “Hi, Sportacus!” Stephanie called. “We’re playing soccer!”

         Ziggy kicked the ball to Trixie, who kicked the ball all the way across the road to Sportacus. She still needed to work on her aim, because it went straight to Robbie’s face, knocking him over and making him hit his head against the tree.

         “Robbie, are you okay?” Sportacus exclaimed, kneeling to Robbie’s side as he rubbed his forehead.

         Robbie let out a great roar and popped the ball. The kids gasped, and Sportacus looked down at Robbie chidingly.

         “Robbie, you’re always trying to ruin our fun!” Ziggy shouted. “I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now!”

         Everyone blinked, and Robbie was missing. The birds were still chirping, and the sun was still shining, but Robbie was nowhere to be seen.

         “Huh? Where’d Robbie go?” Stephanie asked as everyone spun in circles looking for him.

         “Ziggy,” Sportacus said, slowly approaching the boy. “What…what did you say?”

         “I just said I wished that the Goblins would take him away right now,” Ziggy whimpered. “It was just from a movie I watched—“  
         “A movie, eh?” came a voice. A majestic figure leisurely leaned against the brick wall at one end of the soccer field. He wore a black cape that glittered in the sun, black pants that were unusually tight, and a devilish smirk as he looked right back at the kids.

         “Oh my…you’re—“ Ziggy sputtered.

         “The Goblin King,” Sportacus spoke before he could. The kids watched as the two stared at each other, as if they were about to fight.

         “Ah, Sportacus Ten, enjoying the Aboveground, I see,” the figure replied.

         “Bring Robbie back, Goblin King,” Sportacus said, straightening up.

         “Ah-ah, you know the rules,” he replied, He moved towards Ziggy. A crystal ball appeared in his gloved hand. The kids stared at it in wonder as he began to move it skillfully in his hands. “You can have this,” he told Ziggy. “And leave Robbie with me.”

“Oh…what is it?” Ziggy asked.

“It’s a crystal, nothing more,” he purred as he continued to twirl it in his hands. The kids were all trying to figure out how he was doing it, but the only explanation to them was magic. “But if you turn it this way, look into it, it will show you your dreams.”

Ziggy gasped. “My dreams?”

“Wow, you’d better hide that from Stingy,” Trixie said.

         “Well…what about Robbie?” Stephanie asked, daringly looking into the mismatched eyes of the Goblin King.

         He looked back at her, and she didn’t look away in fear. The crystal vanished from his fingers and he said, “In order to get him back, you must solve the Labyrinth surrounding the Goblin City,” he answered. “And _when_ you lose, you will return with neither him nor the crystal.”

         Ziggy looked at his friends. Neither of them knew what to do. Sportacus stepped up and said boldly, “ _We’ll_ solve the Labyrinth.”

         “Very well,” he replied. They blinked again, and Lazytown had disappeared. They stood atop a hill looking over a vast maze surrounding a tall castle. The Goblin King stood with a golden clock floating beside him. “You have thirteen hours in which to solve the Labyrinth before your Robbie Rotten becomes one of us.” He began to fade away as he added, “Forever. _Such_ a pity.”

         Ziggy whimpered in fear. “Oh, we’re never going to solve this labyrinth!”

         “Sure we can,” Sportacus replied cheerfully. “Come on, let’s go save Robbie!”


	2. Chapter 2

         The tiny creatures pranced around Robbie as he held his ears and tried not to trip over them any more. He wanted to move into a corner, anywhere far away from the commotion. He kept shuffling in tiny circles, trying to shout at the goblins to go away and leave him alone but they couldn’t hear him over their own shouting and laughter. Suddenly, the sound came to a halt and the attention directed across the room. A man with long golden hair, a brown leather jacket, and oddly tight gray pants stood above all of the creatures. Some of them sank to their knees.

         “Now, now,” he said, his voice like silk. “That is not how we treat guests here…overwhelming them like that.”

         The goblins finally gave Robbie space. He straightened his posture and brushed invisible dust off his pants as he cleared his throat. “Ahem. I want to know the meaning of this,” he said, staring at the intimidating figure before him. He felt small, like he was about to be eaten for dinner.

         The figure smirked and began to chortle. The goblins burst into boisterous laughter, to his dismay. “Shut up!” he commanded. The laughter came to a cease. “Well, dear, ahem, Robbie, your friends are currently solving my labyrinth. If they make it here in thirteen hours, you’ll return home as if none of this ever happened.”

         Robbie let out a growl. “They’re _not_ my friends!” he shouted. “The little pink one, the fat kid, that terrible prankster…and don’t get me started on Sportadork!”

         “Indeed,” the man said. He looked to one of the goblins and shouted, pointing a riding crop into the space ahead. “Go get a chair for our guest.”

         Robbie pulled down his vest and lifted his chin. “Uh…who are you, anyway?”

         “I am Jareth, the Goblin King,” he said, bending forward a bit like he was bowing.

         A goblin placed a chair by the throne he stood by. Robbie stepped over goblins towards the chair as Jareth sat down. “Well, I take it you’re…you’re a _real_ villain.”

         “Ah, how could you tell?” Jareth replied, crossing his legs on his throne.

         “Well…you have all these _minions_ …tell me, where _did_ you get them?” Robbie asked.

         Jareth paused. “I sort of…inherited them. It comes with the job,” he replied tartly.

         “Well, ahem, it’s very impressive,” Robbie said, trying not to look around at his enviable lair like a doofus. “Tell me, have you ever caught a _good_ guy, like, like a real _superhero_?”  

         Jareth paused as the goblins whispered to make sense of his words.

         “Have you ever…tried a disguise?” Robbie asked.

         “Yes, yes of course,” Jareth replied. “I do find them rather useful…in my situation.”

         Some of the goblins laughed.

         Robbie started looking around at his minions. Some of them surrounded a keg. Some were poking each other with sticks. Some were holding chickens against their will. “What…what do these minions even _do_?”

         “Nothing,” Jareth replied bitterly, glaring at the goblins. Those who heard shriveled up in embarrassment.

         “We play music!” a goblin sitting by Jareth’s shoulder exclaimed. Jareth flinched at his shrill voice.

         “Music?” Robbie repeated.

         “Oh, dear,” Jareth replied, stifling a smirk before the goblins broke into song.

* * *

          Sportacus came down on his feet as he always did, and the wall began to cut off the view of the sun. Sparkles ran down from the bricks when he caught his breath.

         “Sportacus, you can’t…you can’t just jump over these walls,” Trixie said.

         “Sure I can. I just need to jump a little higher,” Sportacus replied, pacing back so he could run forward to the wall and try jumping again.

         “Oh, we’ll never save Robbie now,” Ziggy whined. “Man, I’m hungy.” He reached into his pocket and retrieved a lollipop.

         “I think it’s getting higher,” Stephanie remarked as Sportacus made a jump that completely cut off the sun. When Sportacus landed, he was coated in sparkles.

         “Sportacus…you’re….you’re all sparkly,” Trixie muttered.

         “I am? So are the three of you,” he replied. He looked down and attempted to shake off the glitter stuck to his pants and shirt.

         The kids looked down at themselves. Stephanie shrugged it off while Ziggy shook his cape and Trixie patted down her clothes, creating puddles of glitter at their feet.

         “Look, there has to be an opening somewhere,” Stephanie said.

         Ziggy sighed and wobbled towards the wall. “No. We’ll _never_ get out of here,” he sighed as he turned around to lean against it. In a flash, he fell on his head, dropping his lollipop on the grimy floor. They had found their opening.

         “Now we can jump over the next walls!” Sportacus exclaimed as he cartwheeled past Ziggy through the opening.

         “Um, maybe let’s just try walking,” Stephanie suggested, jogging after Sportacus.

He had stopped just before doing a jump and looked at Stephanie like she was crazy.

         “Or…well, I guess you could…cartwheel your way through. Just…wait for us,” Stephanie replied with a sympathetic smile.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the song they're dancing to by the way...seriously click on it. You'll giggle.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0tWfZU0b2I

         If and when Robbie got back to his lair in Lazytown, he had a lot of improvements to make. A tour proved that Jareth’s castle had everything. He had _rooms_ dedicated to all of his clothes and disguises. He had _several_ bedrooms in which he could sleep. He even had _two_ dungeons. One of them seemed rather…odd.

         The last stop on the tour was at an empty ballroom, glowing and glittering when the lights turned on. Robbie spun in a slow circle at the center to get a look at it. The room seemed to get bigger every time he turned, with new details to discover. He could have spun a hundred times before he suddenly faced Jareth. He stepped back with a yelp and nearly fell over, but Jareth caught him. Robbie felt his face heat up and turn pink as he remained positioned diagonally in Jareth’s arms. He couldn’t move or breathe. He wound up stammering unintelligibly like an idiot, his hands shaking.

         “Tell me, Robbie,” he purred. “Do you dance?”

         “Uh…yes, of course, I do,” Robbie stammered, but he couldn’t move. He heard music, or maybe he was imagining it.

         Jareth lifted him to his feet. The song was real. It sounded familiar, but Robbie couldn’t put his finger on it. Jareth held out a gloved hand and said, “Shall we, then?”

         Robbie was trembling and sweating, but Jareth’s hand was a magnet. The second he secured his hand on his, they began to dance to the gentle song, alone in this grand ballroom. Robbie was staring at Jareth in awe, and he was staring right back at him as if he were the most beautiful thing in the world. He was warm and shivering at the same time, terrified and ecstatic, staring at the lust in Jareth’s eyes. He followed Jareth’s skillful moves and didn’t even awkwardly stop when Jareth released his arm to twirl him once or twice. He was grinning and blushing, and stopped caring about what anyone thought, or even how much energy he was expending. This was right. This was better than destroying Sportacus and living in a lazy Lazytown again.

         “My, Robbie,” Jareth whispered. “You really are number one.”

        

* * *

 

 

The quartet had made it past the sleeping guard at the tall entrance to the Goblin City. The sun set behind the tall castle within, but there was still a city to pass through.

“I hope there’s no more maze in there,” Trixie said as they walked towards a fountain past oddly shaped houses. Upon a closer look, Stephanie noticed figures of goblins on the fountain. Some had faucets attached to their pelvises. A chicken was drinking from the water in the pool of the fountain, and water from one of the faucets trickled down his head. Other than that, the city seemed entirely deserted. They just needed to follow the sharp points at the top of the castle.

“I can’t believe we solved this great big _maze_!” Ziggy exclaimed as he jumped around his companions.

“It’s a Labyrinth,” Sportacus muttered.

“Sportacus, is anything wrong?” Stephanie asked. “All of the…the goblins we met seemed…mad at you.” The journey wasn’t as hard as they had feared, but Sportacus got a lot of dirty looks.

“They just don’t really like me,” Sportacus replied, picking up the pace once they reached the way to the castle. They all ran to the humungous metal door to let Sportacus push it open. He did so with only a little grunt. When they were all inside and the door slammed behind them with an echoing rattle, they were faced with three directions.

“Robbie!” Stephanie shouted.

“Should we split up?” Trixie suggested.

“No, that’s not safe,” Sportacus replied. “Let’s go straight, we’ll find him.”

They all ran straight down a long hallway for what might have been a long time, until they heard faint music and echoes of voices. A grand double door stood only a few more paces away. “In there!” Stephanie called, pointing over to it. They raced there, and Sportacus pushed the door open.

In an enormous ballroom, there was no party, no musicians. Music was coming from somewhere, but only two people were inside. Sportacus froze at the sight of Jareth and Robbie tangled in each others’ embrace as their lips were sealed together.

         “Robbie! We’re here to save you!” Ziggy exclaimed, leaping past Sportacus. He dropped the lollipop in his hand to the floor, along with his jaw.

         “What the…” Trixie drawled.

         The pair’s lips finally separated, and they stared at the four awkwardly. “Uh…save me?” Robbie said. Jareth seemed to tighten his grip on Robbie. “Uh, well, that’s not really necessary…I’m…I’m good.”

         Jareth grabbed Robbie’s face and pulled it against his again, as if they had already left.

         “So…what did we learn today?” Trixie asked Sportacus, her eyebrows knitting together.

         “That Robbie is…is gay?” Stephanie suggested.

         “Huh? You didn’t know?” Sportacus asked.

         All the kids shook their heads.

         Stephanie turned around with a sigh and stormed out the door. The others followed. “Fine. I guess we didn’t learn anything. This entire magic adventure was pointless.”

         They were back in Lazytown.


End file.
